Friday, August 15, 2008

Contest!

Okay, okay, I promised you a contest and a contest you shall have. It is, as I also promised, pretty much the height of lameness, but oh well. To set the stage:

Viera, a woman of questionable virtue and not inconsiderable sexual appetites walks into a seedy tavern. She spots alone at the bar a man of ambiguous age and appealing face, who appears *ahem* limber enough to sate even a woman such as she. Without delay, she moves in for the kill, only to have a tavern girl take her aside and sympathetically inform her the man, Aru, is nearly 1200 years old, and has been celibate for two thirds of those years, loyal to the wife he can never see again.

Viera shrugs and thanks the girl. But alas, Aru's inconvenient devotion to his wife has only piqued her interest in him. With narrowed eyes and a predator's smile, she sidles up to him, leans close so her lips are right next to his ear, and whispers...

You tell me. What line could she possibly use that will lure Aru to her bed? Do your best. Do your worst. Sexiest, cheesiest, wordiest, whatever. Give me pick-up lines, give me lots of them and give 'em to me by noonish [ETA: deadline extended to midnight pacific] on Monday the 18th. Winners get a free ebook, either Crossing Swords or Healer's Touch, whichever you prefer.

I'll pick my favorites and name the lucky few Monday night.

17 comments:

ilona said...

It would probably not work but the line: "If you used a blindfold I could pretend to be your wife" came to mind.

Seeley deBorn said...

Gee, it must be so hard not having sex for so long.

*looks innocent*

(Dude, 6 sips into the first cup, what did you expect)

Michelle said...

Well, I did use this line when I worked at a department store, the men's department. (good place to meet men, right?)

In a husky voice, or attempt at one, purr, "Can I help you with your pants?"

It is so cringe worthy. But, I did marry that man.

sylvia said...

"I could become her, just for one night."

laughingwolf said...

besides helping me out in other ways, later, are you the kind of man to buy a lady a small meal and a tankard of mead, if i promise not to take you in thrall?

Madame Butterfly said...

"You know, there is an ancient, rarely known, law here that says all must partake in carnal relations every 800 years, no matter what."

or

"I need some sexual healing, can you help me?"

Actually, if I know Viera, she would have skipped the chitchat and gone straight to breathily licking his ear. Then maybe while doing so...(cheesy)"there's more where that came from" Or (sympathetic) "Let me help you ease your pain" *Lick* :D

kirsten saell said...

Augh, Ilona, now I wish I'd incorporated a blindfold scene!

Oh it is, Seeley. Very. very. hard. LOL

"Can I help you with your pants?"

Don't be embarrassed, Michelle, I use that line at work every day. And I'm a waitress.

Ah, Sylvia, if only...

Laughingwolf, you can take me in thrall anytime, LOL!

Madame B, you have a gift. All of those are the awesome sauce.

More! Give me more! I am insatiable!

Charlotte McClain said...

This is shamelessly stolen from my former riding teacher.

"I need to work on my back. Could you help me?"

Or, my own awful thought,

"You pretend I'm your wife and I'll pretend you're Indiana Jones. Deal?"

Kimberley Troutte said...

Honey, is that you?

trisha said...

Peekin mai intrist...Ur doin it right!!

trisha said...

Celabisee...Not so grate, akshully.

trisha said...

Buy a kitteh sum nom nom nomz, Tiger?

kirsten saell said...

Bwahahaha!!

Seeley deBorn said...

Not sure if I get 2 entries or if this will cancel out my decaf one but ...

I can haz kok now?

kirsten saell said...

I should have stipulated unlimited entries.

Mor choice, I can haz som?

trisha said...

One last one before I have to leave for work:

You losez wife, I losez bukkit. Iz match made by Ceeling Cat.

kirsten saell said...

Winners announced in Tuesday's post!