Monday, February 23, 2009

Vomitrocious!

Norwalk, that most vile of viral stalkers, has infiltrated my happy home. As always seems to be the case, my 13 y/o daughter was the first of its victims. She'd been planning a sleepover with two friends Saturday night, but when she curled up in a fetal position at 8:00 PM, insisting she felt like she was dying, I was forced to drive her disappointed buddies home. What followed was a puke-fest of epic proportions. I tell you, that girl barfs like a howler monkey--animals on the other side of the jungle run for cover at the noise she makes.

Blurgh.

Right now, she's stretched out on a row of kitchen chairs in my living room, drinking gatorade and watching women giving birth on TLC, while my 14 y/o son languishes on the sofa. If he isn't sick, he's faking it well--most notably by his lack of protest at having to watch women giving birth on TLC.

And me? I've managed not to succumb--yet. Mostly due to scrubbing myself from head to toe with lye and a wire brush every time I've had to come within three feet of my kids. Unfortunately, I did manage to acquire some hideous sinus thing this weekend that had me feeling serously bagged by Sunday evening.

But the weekend wasn't ALL bad. On the dubiously bright side, I discovered at work on Saturday night that one of my regular customers had a print copy of Crossing Swords. His wife bought it for him for Valentine's Day (awwww), and when I cringed and said, "But...but, you aren't actually reading it, are you?" he grinned and replied, "I'm on chapter five and enjoying it so far. Boy, that's some imagination you've got! Can I get it signed?"

Which is kinda embarrassing, and yet kinda cool as well. And it makes me wonder if what will bring more men over to romance is not an engaging subplot or tons of action, but the kind of graphic, blunt, no-holds-barred sex to be found in erotic romance. Although I'm sure the bloodbath at the end of Crossing Swords probably helps it appeal to a male readership, too.

And when the guy's brother gave me THE LOOK, complete with eyebrow waggle, and asked if my book was based on "personal experience", I just smiled and replied "Of course! I mean, you can't write convincingly about how it feels to slit a man's carotid artery and windpipe, or what it's like to drag your sword out from between someone's ribs unless you've actually...what? Ohhhh, you mean the sex? Nah, I don't do any of that."

I'm guessing in the next few weeks, I'll be signing a copy for him, too. Which is okay. If I'm running out of people I can look in the eye in this town, I at least want to feel like I've earned it. :D

7 comments:

MB (Leah) said...

OMG-- that totally sucks. :( It's rough having a house full of sick people especially when kids are involved. I hope you all feel better soon.

But seriously, watching women give birth? LOL That would be enough to make me a bit sick, I'm afraid.

You should send Karal after that viral stalker and then get Aru on board for some healing. But I'd keep Viera out of it if with the kids, of course. Only if you need it, bring Viera in. :D

If I'm running out of people I can look in the eye in this town, I at least want to feel like I've earned it. :D

LOL--- I think it's great that your customers are reading your book. You're gonna be so famous!

word veri: hamnaked

kirsten saell said...

Well, they blur the lady-bits during the birthing process, so it isn't so gross. It's really mostly shows about having babies and the first few weeks. Total schmaltz. Which is why firstborn hates those shows.

Right now we're watching some woman win $500 000 on Don't Forget the Lyrics. And she was smart and walked away with it, rather than going for a million. Yay for her!

You're gonna be so famous!

I'm gonna be famous in THIS town, anyway. :D

Amy C said...

I commented on here earlier, but apparently I didn't pay attention to whether or not it posted and I guess it didn't :(.

I just said that I felt bad because you made me laugh at the way you described your kid's pain. And then I felt bad for laughing when they are not feeling well. But damn, the way you say things, I can't help but laugh! You crack me up :).

And that is neato that men are reading and discussing your books with you!

Barbara said...

OMG! That's horrible!!! I hope everyone is better soon!!!!!

kirsten saell said...

Thanks, Barbara. And don't feel bad, Amy. She's mostly better now, and you gotta laugh at stuff like that. Okay, you don't gotta, but it helps. :)

So far, no one else in the house has turned into a mobile stomach contents ejector yet. Pretty sure Firstborn was faking. He's going to school tomorrow, and I won't let him come home unless he barfs in the principal's hair.

laughingwolf said...

sorry about the ills in your home, k :(

but yeah, enough blood n gore there for most any male reader... as for the sex, what's that? ;) lol

kirsten saell said...

... as for the sex, what's that? ;) lol

LOL, laughingwolf! Being a virgin myself, I wouldn't know.

In other news, it doesn't help that we've been battling two different viruses--one of them a hideous sinus/chest cold that I and two of my three kids have. But the puke-fest is over (I think), and every freaking one of those kids is going to school tomorrow, even if it kills me. OMG, I want my days back to myself! Hard enough writing that last sex scene of my WIP when the very idea of bodily fluids--spurting, spewing, seeping or otherwise--makes me want to barf. But to do it while my kids are in the room? Not exactly ideal.