Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Okay, for someone who thought she'd removed one of the stressful things in her life (I've taken a doctor-recommended leave from my day job--my last day was Sunday), today is shaping up to be one of those days where my head goes all explodey and showers bits of skull and brain matter all over the place.

I made an appointment for a pro carpet cleaner to come do these hideous carpets this morning. Last night, Firstborn and I lugged all the dressers, desks and assorted stuff out of the upstairs bedrooms, and this morning I finished up by removing my daughter's bed. All this stuff (more furniture than should reasonably even be in two bedrooms, really) is now piled in the middle of my living room, (and kitchen and dining room), which is also full of assorted toys (legos and bionicles everywhere, OMG). It's quarter past ten and I'm wondering where the guy is, so I phone. He's fucking sick in bed. Can't even get up. But couldn't call last night to let me know he was really sick and had to cancel, apparently. Aughhhhh!!!!!

There is no other pro carpet cleaning outfit in town, and the people in the next town aren't answering their phone. "We're probably out cleaning someone's carpet" the message says.

To add insult to injury, my parents arrive tonight. Yes, tonight. And Firstborn has been sleeping on the sofabed downstairs (where my parents sleep when they visit), and Blammo has been sleeping on the couch in the living room. The couch is now buried under a mound of bedroom stuff, and the boys' beds are stacked in the family room, which leaves no floorspace for "camping out" there and so basically, there's only two usable beds in the house--the sofabed and my bed. And two extra people looking to sleep here tonight.

I suppose I could leave a message at the other place, but I have a feeling I'll be waiting all day to hear back, only to be told no, they can't come out. So now I'm stuck renting a Rug Doctor and hoping beyond hope that it works 100x better than the home-model Bissell my friend loaned me.

I swear, I could kill something right now. Like, kill, kill, kill.

On top of that, my ex's lawyer has missed yet another deadline (Monday), and MY lawyer, courteous, non-litigious guy that he is, is going to phone his office to double-check that no response is forthcoming before he sets a date for a case conference. Dude, am I going to be married to this guy forever, or what?

I think I need a drink. It's gotta be past noon somewhere in the world, right? I mean, screw the whole 5 o'clock saying--as long as it's afternoon, it's fine, right? Right?

ETA: Okay, so I rented a Rug Doctor, and yeah, they're a LOT better than the home-model I was using. Way more suction, and the brushes? Holy cow, you can hardly hold onto the thing, those babies are shaking so hard. I'm 1/3 of the way done the big, huge room, and it looks good so far, and the carpet doesn't go "squoosh" when I walk on it, either. So I'm hoping that the blammo suction that's pulled all that moisture out, well, maybe it's pulling more crap out too, and I won't end up with ugly brown patches as it dries. I may go over it twice, just to be sure. Oh, and it might even be dry enough to put some of the stuff back by tomorrow.

AND, I had some bacon-wrapped chestnuts (my toaster still works since the power surge, it just doesn't get quite as hot as it did), and I'm having a glass of wine, too. Just a little one.

AND my mom phoned to say they'll be here early--like dinner time--and did I want her to get me a bucket of KFC on the way up? Holy hell, yeah! Nice, salty, greasy, KFC smothered in a gallon of KFC gravy? And that way, dinner's taken care of too! So I'm feeling better. Yay!

ETA II: So I'm 2/3 done the big room, and the brushes stop brushing. Ack! I felt the top of the machine, and it's really hot, so maybe it just needs a rest? I hope? If not, I'll have to return it and get another one. Bluh.


sylvia said...

Right. You can borrow my timezone if you like, that should see you safely into afternoon.

My divorce almost took longer than the original marriage lasted - and that was with me signing in advance that I had committed adultery! The judge was of the opinion that women didn't do such things and threw the case out. I'm not making this up.

kirsten saell said...

Ouch! We have no-fault divorce in Canada, so there doesn't need to be any wrongdoing by either party. You just need to be separated for a year.

The ex and I separated in September of 2008. I signed a separation agreement giving the ex a 1-year exemption from child support (because he had no income at the time), with the terms to be revisited Oct. 1, 2009. We're STILL revisiting them.

I suppose I can understand why he wants to drag this out. He's got unlimited access to his kids (and I pay the travel costs), no child support payments to worry about, and a woman who's pumping equity into a house he half-owns while paying down a debt that's half his (he hasn't made a payment on his share of it since Feb, 2009). And as long as there's no custody agreement in place, and my name's next to his on the mortgage, he knows I'm pretty much stuck here, close to him, where he can see his kids when the mood hits (once every month or two, lately).

But man, this town is so small and so isolated, the economy is so unstable, I can't earn a decent living. My income from my day-job last year was 1/2 what it was in 2007, even though I'm actually working more hours--there's only three base industries pumping money into the local economy, and all three have taken a hit. People are out of work so no one's eating out. Which reminds me, I have to take money out of my Visa account to make my mortgage payment tomorrow. How's that? Paying my bloody mortgage with my Visa?

If we don't hear back from him today, I'm going to talk to my lawyer about declaring bankruptcy. I'm already stuck applying for welfare since Employment Insurance won't give me more than $600/month. If I declare, the bankruptcy trustee can force the sale of the house, and after my debts are paid, the rest of the assets can sit untouched in a trust account forever for all I care--as long as I can get out of here and move someplace where I can earn a living and have some family nearby--and he can stay married to me forever if he wants.

But man, it's getting tiresome.

laughingwolf said...

sounds like the floor sucker's overheated, k... should go again once cooled off

as for divorce, i got mine with the help of ubc law students [MUCH cheaper] with the ex and the kids on the opposite end of the country... only reason i came here, ex took a massive stroke [still paralyzed] and older daughter called, 'i want my daddy!'... that was end of '97, and i'm still stuck here

kirsten saell said...

Well, laughingwolf, I left it to sit for 1/2 an hour, and the brushes still won't go. Might be a belt has snapped?

I phoned the store and I can come in and swap it out with another one. But man, it's just one thing after another today!

My ex? I don't know what his deal is. Well, I do. He's like a teenager. He's one of those guys who gets pissed when you get your tubes tied because "what if we want to have more kids?", but then thinks the kids should be solely the responsibility of the mom. You know, one of those men who calls his shift with the kidlets while the wife works "babysitting".

And he knows as soon as this is done, he's going to have to start paying support, and I'll get the eff out of here--my very involved parents are 2000 miles away, I have no family at all in the province, and he is no help day to day.

So of course, he doesn't want this to end. If I move out of province, he'll end up having to take them for a month or something in the summer, and he'll have to actually, you know, take care of them and stuff, instead of taking them for a night here and there and not having any real responsibility at all for their care. And his parents are paying his legal fees, so it isn't even his own money he's wasting.

It's just so damn frustrating, because I'm all alone here, and if we stay, the kids will never go to college because they'll have to live on campus in Victoria or Vancouver--and I can't afford that, not when I can't even make ends meet as it is, and their dad is chronically unemployed and unable to consistently pay support.

It's just a totally effed up situation, and I'm getting so sick of it. I need it to be done. My doctor was kind of amazed that I wasn't a blubbering mess when I asked him to approve a stress leave for me. Being at the mercy of an unreasonable man, and counting on his lawyer to say, "Dude, don't waste any more of your parents' money" rather than "Pay me $200/hour to take this all the way to the bitter end!"?

Feel helpless, much?

It does suck to be stuck somewhere you don't want to be, doesn't it? How old are your kids again? Any chance you can head back where you came from?

laughingwolf said...

sounds like the motor overheated, then seized :(

yeah, he's playing you!

hope your lawyer can set a fire under his lawyer...

my kids are now 24, 25 and 27... son lives with me, easy for him ;) lol

dunno when or if i'll get back west, kids' ma unable to speak, still...

sylvia said...

Argh. It sounds a mess and like he certainly has no interest in sorting things out quickly. I was lucky in that my ex was interested in a quick resolution (you can get a no-fault divorce in the UK but it takes ages - theoretically the faster option is to accept fault but I got an undead judge from the previous century).

I'm beaming positive thoughts and virtual cheap red wine and chocolate in your direction.

M. A. said...

I know it's very tough for you to visualize this presently, but this really is going to be okay. It will be okay. The divorce is going to proceed, and you are gonna get your judgment of divorce, and it's gonna feel GREAT. You're going to move on with your life and things are going to be good.

phoenix carpet cleaning said...

With over 25 years experience as a phoenix carpet cleaning professional it is strongly recommended that you clean your carpets around once a year for health reasons as well as appearance. To see an EPA schedule click on my user name or the link below.
Richard Sparta,
Owner / Apex Carpet Cleaning

kirsten saell said...

With over 25 years experience as a phoenix carpet cleaning professional it is strongly recommended that you clean your carpets around once a year for health reasons as well as appearance. To see an EPA schedule click on my user name or the link below.
Richard Sparta,
Owner / Apex Carpet Cleaning


Thanks guys. I know it will be over eventually. I mean, worst case scenario, I declare bankruptcy, the money sits untouched in a trust account, and I stay married to him if he wants. He's 17 years older than me and doesn't take very good care of himself. He's totally going to die first...

LVLM said...


When did Phoenix Carpet Cleaning start following you? Sage advice, fur sure.

laughingwolf said...

can't see 'phoenix' coming that far up the coast! :P lol

word verif: unsin :O